


It's like a demon

by Lia_Lia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 14:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19358854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lia_Lia/pseuds/Lia_Lia
Summary: One of the mutliple drabbles i wrote about Drarry and Eating Disorders.





	It's like a demon

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings : Eating disorders - purging - puking - depression

« Honey, I’m home ! » Harry said loudly, taking off his coat. «Honey ?»  
Two empty plates on the table, Draco couldn’t be that far. Surely in the kitchen, cooking dinner. No one there. The living room was empty too. Wait, not that empty; the floor around the sofa was unusually messy. Empty bottles were laying on the carpet -diet soda, water, as the wooden floor was covered in too many food packaging and fruits leftovers.  
Baby please. Harry praised, hurrying to their bathroom. Thank god. He sighed, finding it empty, too. Draco wasn’t bent over the toilet, fingers down in throat. He was in their bedroom, as he quickly located. Standing in his boxers in front of their mirror.  
“Babe?”  
“Harry?” Harry wasn’t supposed to be home right now. He wasn’t supposed to be here. He wasn’t supposed to be here.  
“Draco, what” Harry tried to ask, shocked by the letter freshly engraved in his lover’s belly.  
“Get out!  
-No honey, you need help  
-Get out of my room!  
-No, you’re not  
-Stop.  
-Draco please, don’t do this! You have to eat !  
-No I don’t! I won’t! I can’t.  
-If you don’t eat you’re gonna die…  
-And I’d rather die than being fat.  
-Honey …“ Harry whispered, walking slowly to his lover. “You’re not fat, I promise you.  
-Don’t Harry. Don’t.  
-Then what ? Do you want me to stay in the living room, knowing you’re hurting two meters away from me? You’re still bleeding honey, you need help! Let me help you, Draco, please.”  
“I’m sorry, Harry, I’m sorry.” He cried, suddenly tumbling on his knees. “I’m sorry, I’m just so scared. It’s like my brain isn’t working the way it’s supposed to do. And I don’t know who I am anymore.  
-Oh honey, I’ve got you. It’s gonna be ok. You’re gonna be ok, I promise. Shht, I’m here. I’m here.” He repeated until the form in his arms stop sobbing and starts breathing again.  
“I’m not going to eat anymore.” Draco mumbled in his lover’s neck. “It hurts too much. And I don’t want you to make me eat.  
-I’ll make you salads, we’ll figure it out.” Harry tried, pecking the other boy’s hair.  
“And if I say no are you going to shove it down my throat?” he asked, raising shyly his grey eyes, afraid of what he had just voiced.  
“Draco, no, wh-  
-You don’t understand. It’s within me, Harry. I can’t just eat.  
-Tell me then, explain.” He begged, stomach knotted and voice cracking.  
-Sometimes” He started, nudging against him a little bit more. “Some days like todays, I- I just wish I could cut open my stomach and take everything out. Cause every time I eat, I feel like a failure. You’ve seen what I’ve done downstairs. If I eat anything, those are days where I’ll eat everything. I’m not in control enough. And control is the only force mighty enough to bring order in the chaos that is my life. There is no other way. I can not eat Harry. I can’t. I’m not strong enough if I’ve eaten. Emptiness is pure and starvation is the cure. When - when I starve, I feel so much better. Imagine feeling like a feather, feeling completely confident, and finally feeling happy. Thin. Free. Imagine how exhausting it is to face every meal as a new battlefield. If I lift my fork, am I winning or losing ? There’s a war inside my brain, and I can’t taste anything other than shame. So if I skip lunch, and if I skip breakfast, or dinner, maybe I’ll feel better. And the simple fact of maybe feeling better… How - how can I not try? How can I not try to fast a little bit longer? How can I give up and eat? How can I do this to myself Harry ? How can I eat knowing I’ll end up like this? Crying, fighting over the urge to puke ? to cut ? I can’t. I’m so sorry Harry but I can’t.  
-It’s okay darking. It’s okay. We’re going to get you through it. I promise, honey, I promise. I’m gonna find someone who’ll help. I’m not going to let you starve to death, and I’m not going to let you feel like shit everysingle day. I’m not going to let you choose between life and death. I’m here honey. I’m here. You’re not alone anymore. You’ll never be. I’m here.”


End file.
